I took the oxygen tubing out of my daughter’s nose and carefully lifted the medical tape from her cheek. I was careful not to hurt her skin or get any hair caught in the tape. I can take the tape off quickly, or to do it slowly, with lovingkindness and extra care.
She looked at me with trusting eyes. And I saw something. She lives in a posture of total trust toward me. She trusts me to take care of every one of her needs. She cannot feed herself, dress herself. She can’t stand up. She cannot speak with words. She trusts me to do all of those things for her.
But she also trusts me to not hurt her. To be gentle with her when I lift tape off of her cheek. To gently pull her shirt over her head whenI undress her. To brush her hair with care. She trusts me to do that because she knows I love her. She depends on me to take care of her basic needs. But she also trusts me to do it carefully because she knows I love her. There’s a difference between someone who cares for you because it’s their job and someone who cares for you because they love you. And you can feel the difference, can’t you?
That look in her eyes moved me. God spoke to me in that moment. That look of complete trust and total dependence… that is what he has also planned for me.
What is true about God for me and for you
He loves me completely. To pieces, actually.
I am his cherished child.
He is a good father.
He takes care of me.
He is careful with me.
I can depend on him.
Sometimes I have to do things that my daughter doesn’t like. I know they are painful for her, but they are necessary to keep her alive. I have to change her feeding tube button that goes directly into her stomach every three months. I hate doing it. I’m certain she hates it too. But without it, she would not be able to eat. It is a painful necessity that ultimately causes goodness in her life. What pain are you going through right now? Could it be necessary to create goodness for you?
She doesn’t doubt my love for her after the pain. Because she believes I love her and she believes I am good. She truly believes that about me, so she knows I would never allow pain in her life unless it was something necessary to create goodness for her.
This is possible
I know we can live like this in relation to God if we truly believe and accept that He loves us and he is good. He may have to allow some pain, but it will always be for our good. He may put parameters around us that feel like restrictive rules. But they are always for our protection. And He protects us only because He loves us.
Just like my daughter trusts me, we can live in full dependence on God. For all of the good things he has planned for us. For all of our needs. To take care of our emotions. To take care of the big things and the small things. And to be careful with us. He is a careful caregiver because of his profound love for us. Our part involves trusting Him and believing He is good. If we can master that, we can live a life free of fear and worry. A life of joy and freedom. I totally believe that is possible. How would your life look different if you really rested in the carefulness of your creator and actually trusted him to make goodness out of your pain? Sit with it today. And then again tomorrow until you find yourself living in a posture of trust and dependence. That’s true freedom.
By Kerry D’Ortenzio