Confessions from a Pastor.

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I have worked in churches for the last twenty years or so. This may or may not come as a shock to you, but I got really good at faking things and pretending to be OK. You see, when you are employed at a church you can’t exactly vocalize when you are struggling. There is a higher expectation to have it all together and figured out. We’re the ones trained to be ready with all the answers for everyone else which usually sound something like this: “I’ll pray for you”, “You just need to have more faith”, “God never gives you more than you can handle”.

Deep down I struggled with Jesus loving me.  If you spend any amount of time at church, you most likely will hear the phrase “Jesus loves you” (if you don’t hear this at your church, you should find a new church).  I really wanted God to love me but knew how screwed up I was.  If I couldn’t be real at my church how could I be real with God?  How could Jesus love me?  What can I do to get Jesus to love me?  Ok, forget love. What can I do to get Jesus to simply like me? Tolerate me?

Maybe help some old people…save a few kittens…recycle? Maybe if I cuss less or stop drinking (hard liquor)? I could become a vegan or donate blood or plant some trees. Or what if I listen to really terrible music like they play in church, with lots of piano and loud out-of-key singing?  I’ll give up listening to Beastie Boys and Metallica and only listen to Christian Radio.  Ready for the brutal truth? You can’t do anything to get God to love you.  He doesn’t love you because of who you are or what you’ve done (good or bad).  He loves you because of Who He is.  You will never earn God’s love, you’ll never have to. God loves you so much He made wiener dogs and sunsets; things that don’t have to be near as cool as they are but are so cool.  Whatever mess is going on around you, rest in this truth: God loves you in spite of who you are because of Who He is.  Jesus really does love you.  You don’t have to pretend.  He loves you even though you are going through some pretty heavy stuff.  He loves you even if you don’t love Him.  You will never do anything that will make Him love you more and you will never do anything that will make Him love you any less.  His love for you is perfect.  Jesus loves you, exactly the way you are in this exact moment. You can rest in that.

Guest post written by Tim Beal